Consequences of stress on children

Don't blame anyone for a situation you haven't experienced. Put yourself in their place, and you might find the right learning methods.

I was at the neighborhood mosque after the afternoon prayer. A number of neighborhood children were reciting the Quran. The voices of young children could be heard as they played football in the small area extending from the mosque door to the street. Throughout Ramadan, those who remained at the mosque were unable to keep the children away from playing in front of the door, so they resigned themselves to the inevitable.

At five in the evening, I went out. I was still at the door when I saw an old man walking towards the mosque, walking through the courtyard where the boys were playing. The ball hit the man wearing the white thobe in the stomach. The boys fell silent. The team whose goal was towards the mosque froze, while the opposing team stifled their laughter. The man was scolding them, and even called the boy who had kicked the ball, "You're ill-mannered."

The scene reminded me of Ibn Khaldun, who wrote: “Al-Ibar wa Diwan al-Mubtada wa al-Khabar fi Tarikh al-Arab wa al-Barbar wa Man ‘Asarahum min Dhat ash-Shan al-Akbar,” and included the “Introduction” alone in a massive volume known as “Al-Muqaddimah.” If this introduction was there alone, then you can imagine the size of Ibn Khaldun’s history known as “Al-Ibar,” in one of whose volumes I found two chapters devoted to teaching young children and how to acquire virtues and good manners. One chapter is entitled: “On the Education of Boys and the Differences in the Schools of Thought in the Islamic Regions Regarding its Methods,” and the chapter that follows is entitled: “On the Harshness of the Learned Being Harmful to Them.”

I thought about the man's reaction to the little boys—the man the ball hit, not Ibn Khaldun—and I wondered what if he had disciplined them with age-appropriate advice. What if there had been a polite child who had quickly apologized to the older man, for example?

The boys waited for the man to enter the mosque and then resumed playing. The idea hadn't fully formed in my head until the ball hit part of my forearm and chest, and my mobile phone fell from my hand. I forgot about learning and acquiring virtue. The team that included the boy who had kicked the ball froze in their places in silence, while the boys on the other team burst out laughing. My reaction to them was greater than the man's, and one of the boys even apologized to me.

Returning to Ibn Khaldun, he stated that education at a young age is "more deeply rooted and is the foundation for what follows, because the first step in the heart is like the foundation for the faculties." In this regard, he forbade young learners from mixing two disciplines unless they are receptive to it. He noted that being too harsh on learners is harmful to them and has dire consequences:

Severity leads to oppression and distress, and thus dampens the desire and activity for education.

Laziness and lack of desire to learn will lead the young learner to: “lie and act maliciously, pretending to be something other than what is in his heart, for fear of being oppressed.”

Instead of learning knowledge, it will teach him “deceit and trickery, so this became a habit and a character trait for him, and the meanings of humanity that he had in terms of society and training, which are zeal and defending himself and his home, were corrupted.”

As Ibn Khaldun says, the one who is exposed to excessive cruelty during learning, his soul becomes lazy “to acquire virtues and good morals, so it shrinks from its purpose and the extent of its humanity, so it relapses and returns to the lowest of the low, and this is what happens to every nation that falls into the grip of oppression and is subjected to tyranny.”

Ibn Khaldun advises being strict and harsh with the young learner, in the situation dictated by Al-Rashid to Khalaf Al-Ahmar, the teacher of his son Muhammad: “Do not be too forgiving of him, lest he discover emptiness and become accustomed to it. Correct him as much as you can with closeness and gentleness, but if he refuses them, then you should be strict and harsh.”

In short, imagine a young child who is subjected to harshness and cruelty during his education: He will begin to lie to his parents for fear of being oppressed, and he will get used to making up lies and excuses, and it will become a habit. He will go to play football and may get beaten, but he will not defend himself. He may kick an older passerby and not apologize. He will return home crushed and rejected, lying. He grows up in this way, and thus his rights are lost and he is lost. What happened to this boy happens to the nation that falls into the grip of oppression.

What if Ibn Khaldun was wearing a white robe and holding a mobile phone, and a child kicked a ball, soiling it and knocking over his phone? Would he have done what I did? After I left the scene, I realized I had made a mistake by not applying the principle that Ibn Khaldun summarized:

You must be strict and harsh if the children refuse to learn and acquire virtues and good morals, with kindness and gentleness, and not with the first kick!